Don’t Give Priority To Those Who Treat You As An Option

No one should have as a priority those who do not value it enough. You must give yourself the importance you deserve and offer your affection and time to those who genuinely value you at all times, without interest or selfishness.

Even when we know that we should avoid giving away our affection and time to those who do not value it, sometimes we maintain bonds, waiting for a change to occur. However, change does not occur and little by little, we realize that it is not possible to give, give and give, without receiving something in return.

When a relationship is healthy and meaningful, the balance is in balance for the two parties involved. And when it is not, the scale is more tilted to one side than the other. One party benefits and the other does not.

Although the lack of balance is often evident, we often cover our eyes and let go, and do not attend to our needs and desires. We stop prioritizing and, although we know that they treat us as one more option, we are still there. We become emotional sponges.

Prisoners of selfishness, we become the second course

When we are the object of someone else’s selfishness, the balance tips in favor of the other person. We give everything for her, and we neglect ourselves in various ways. Thus, sooner or later we end up becoming a second course.

We often take time to realize this, or we simply refuse to take it into account. We convince ourselves that the change will come at some point, that the other party will “wake up” and realize … but it does not happen. The days go by and there is no change for the better.

We must bear in mind that, who does not provide sincere care and affection in a certain time, it is very difficult for them to do so later by magic. 

The other person demands and we come to their call punctually, without thinking about it. We know that you do not value us as you should, that we are not your first choice, but there we are, ready to help or serve that person, to show that we appreciate them and, of course, to look good with them.

But what about us? Does giving everything without receiving anything in return bring us any benefit? Does that person really appreciate what we do for them? Are you concerned about our well-being? Do you care about our needs or do you even take them into account?

The psychological pain derived from relational distress

Time is the great teacher who is in charge of opening our eyes, helping us to take perspective and value the errors with which we live. It is not easy, of course. In fact, the pain that this produces is sometimes excruciating.

This is emotional pain, a pain that distresses the brain. Disappointment, betrayal, lies, heartbreak or loss cause great suffering that tears us inside.

This type of condition has been reflected in poems and songs for centuries that make us immerse ourselves in a world in which we all connect. Today, these poetic insights have been supported by neurophysiological studies, which confirm that psychological pain is reflected at the brain level.

Interestingly, when the “heart” breaks and emotions set the body on fire, the same areas in the brain are activated as when we suffer physical pain. Hence we can say with determination that love hurts.

Don’t underestimate the wounds of the heart

The cerebral areas of physical pain share a path with emotional pain, since damage in either of these two modalities activates the anterior cingulate cortex and the prefrontal cortex.

This is one more reason to stop belittling emotional wounds and to avoid thinking that they heal in the air. We are sadly used to trying to bury our relational problems, which causes the pain to become encyst and complicate the resolution of conflicts.

So hiding doesn’t help us at all. On the contrary, it restrains a relief that makes more bearable the social pain that, as it is evident, torments the brain and, therefore, the mind.

It may interest you: As long as I know who I am, I have nothing to prove

Dignity is not lost by anyone

When someone treats us as an option and not as a priority, it is necessary to put distance. In turn, we must understand that doing this is not “being mean” or acting proud. It is very different to be proud to be worthy.

If we lose our dignity, we lose ourselves, we damage our identity and our self-esteem.

Relationships based on respect and a balance of needs are the most authentic, free, solid and enriching.

Sometimes, we lose our dignity because we consider that it “compensates us” or because we block ourselves and do not know how to respond to complicated situations of manipulation or submission. In other words, we get used to treating those who treat us as an option with priority because we find ourselves “alienated” by an asymmetric relationship. But devaluation is not a good way of life.

In short, love, attention and affection are not begged. For this reason, we must be clear that those who show that they are good for us, that they do not take advantage of our vulnerabilities and that they love us cleanly and sincerely deserve to be part of our life.