Who Wears The Pants In The Relationship?
Formerly, it was considered that by nature it was the husband who gave orders. This retrograde culture based on machismo has evolved over time and thanks to the struggle of many women.
Traditionally it has been considered that in couple relationships there are two very well differentiated roles; that of the person who obeys and that of the person who commands.
To be more exact, before it was considered that, “by nature”, in a relationship, the man who should give the orders and guidelines was the man. Likewise, it was believed that the woman only served to follow what he indicated, maintain the home and take care of the children.
The historical tradition
Although machismo was the norm for a long time, today the landscape is changing, and with it, roles, social dynamics and beliefs.
Today, what is definitely sought is equality and that the old models are not copied in couple relationships. Among other things, because we know that the idea that one person commands and the other obeys without further ado is not healthy.
A good relationship must be based on mutual trust, sincerity and respect. Not in the dominance of one person over another.
However, machismo and inequality are realities that are still very much present and against which we must continue to fight. It should be noted that, although we may not believe it, inequality and machismo are not only present in heterosexual couples, but can even occur in homosexual couples.
“Who wears the pants rules and orders”
The connotation and the background of this expression ( who wears the pants commands and orders … ) is linked to a macho reality. Before, pants were a garment that only men wore, while women used to wear skirts or dresses.
He wore the pants, he commanded, he determined what the order of things should be… and she conformed and stayed under his wing.
Despite the fact that times have changed and that the question of pants is no longer, not even remotely, as it used to be, even in certain cultures you can hear “in your relationship, the one who wears the pants is your wife / husband”.
This serves to refer to the fact that one is in charge and the other fulfills what he is told, and that, in some way, not only does it make sense, but it is “okay”. However, that is not so.
In relationships – in general, not only as a couple – a tendency can develop for one of the members to take the lead , that is, to have more initiative than the other. This may be due to cultural reasons, psychological factors, education, etc.
And that does not have to be a bad thing in itself, as long as whoever has the upper hand knows how to listen and attend to other points of view, as well as always looking for a balance.
The problem arises when that person who has initiative and who does not have much trouble choosing a course, pretends that the other person is his subordinate without even questioning it.
The roles of the couple
Each person is different, and therefore each couple as well. The way in which each one lives their relationship depends on the particularities of each case.
Experts in the field affirm that people play certain roles not only in romantic relationships but in daily life, in each social circle in which daily life takes place. The roles are assumed based on the experiences that accumulate in each person.
However, being pigeonholed into one role type can be negative. And it is that in certain circumstances, the assumption of a role as your own can destroy the bond in the couple. As the professionals indicate, roles should flow so that they are assumed only when necessary.
Equality and respect in the couple: fundamental pillars
The idea is that it can be made easier for both members of the couple to feel allowed to express their needs.
If at any time a person feels that he cannot play a certain role, that he does not have the right to express certain feelings or words, he may come to assume a role in a rigid way. It is important to base relationships on mutual support and on assuming obligations equally.
It is inevitable to assume roles in the couple in certain circumstances. Sometimes because it is necessary to assume them and other times because it will be seen that it is necessary to exercise them.
In this way, for example, there will be times when one has more initiative or more decision than the other person. And at other times, the roles will change and the reverse situation will occur. The positive is that both complement each other and are not pigeonholed within a way of being.
