Living To Please Others Is A Futile Sacrifice

Pleasing others is well regarded, but pleasing everyone all the time is a great drain on that good and accommodating person. Yes, the one who thinks of everyone except herself. Since we were little they already teach us this attitude, educating us to do things that we do not want, but that others do. In this way, we begin to always have our eyes set on the outside. Meanwhile, we are forgetting ourselves.

However, there comes a day when the wear is so great that we stop and ask ourselves “who am I?”, “What do I want?” Unfortunately, we don’t know. However, realizing it can be the beginning of a path to discover ourselves again. It is not about selfishness, but about introspection, about getting to know ourselves, like that Latin saying that said nosce te ipsum (know yourself).

Pleasing others can make us suffer

Pleasing others all the time, completely forgetting about ourselves, can do us a lot of harm. This will mean doing things that we do not want and that, in many cases, will even conflict with our values. For example, if we are in a relationship and we do not tolerate the smell of tobacco in our house, it may be that to please the other we let him smoke inside the home without complaint.

This will cause us to swallow a great amount of frustration, anger and discomfort that will get bigger and bigger until, sooner or later, it comes to light. Thus, our parents may want us to act in a certain way that is not consistent with our way of being or of proceeding. However, if we contradict them, their faces turn upset.

Faced with this situation, anxiety echoes within us to activate the “please others” button. In this way, we manage to alleviate it by making others feel good. But at what cost? At the price of not prioritizing ourselves, of leaving us in second place and of being in a constant search for the approval of others.

Are others your source of happiness?

It is paradoxical to think that pleasing others can lead to suffering. However, this has an explanation, and it is that we are leaving our own happiness in the hands of others. At the moment we please to feel good. The moment we try to make the anger or disappointment of another person towards something that we have not wanted to do as they wanted causes us anxiety to change that situation. We are at a dead end.

We will try to avoid any conflict, give our opinion whenever it is what others want to hear and we will be guided by what others want, not by what we want. In the end what life are we living? Ours or the one others want? If we don’t take control, living may become meaningless.

• We cannot stop sleeping because a friend has gotten angry because we have said “no” to staying if we did not feel like it and our head hurt.
• Nor can we worry if we have not met the expectations that others had of us.
• We have to learn to accept the anger, the negative, the bad faces of others before our own opinions, actions or decisions. They will pass!

Start to please yourself

To start to stop pleasing others, you have to do a great job of increasing self-esteem. And it is probably that, added to your insecurities, that lead you to act that way. Once your self-esteem is at the level it needs to be, it is important to start changing old habits.

Pleasing others: say “no” when you want to say “no”

Start saying “no” when you want to say “no.” If someone gets angry, do not be overwhelmed, because sooner or later it will pass (it is not the end of the world) and prioritize yourself. Give priority to your decisions, what you want, your opinions and your dreams. But above all, prioritize your well-being. You don’t have to do anything that doesn’t make you feel good. You’re wearing yourself out in vain You are suffering and that is paid for with anxiety and even depression. Why don’t you start living for yourself?